My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
