I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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