census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
