they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
