Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
