Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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