so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
