i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
