My underwear smells like fireworks.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
