Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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