we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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