As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
