Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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