Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
