Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
