Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
