I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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