Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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