you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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