you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
