I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
