I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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