I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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