You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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