I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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