I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
