at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
