i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
