Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
A bitchslap is in order.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
