You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
