Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
