Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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