hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
