so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
