so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
