If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize