so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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