Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
