ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
