I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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