I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
