you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
