the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
