He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
