Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
