Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize