I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
