i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
