Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
