there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
