So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
