super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
