It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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