You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
