I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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