Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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