whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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