I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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