On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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