that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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