I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
