im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
