Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
