We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I could make wine with my vomit
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
