the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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